I learned something a while ago from a YouTube video I watched by a lady called Ashley Empowers that really stuck with me and has helped in the way I view mistakes we make when in relationship.
Ephesians 4:32 NLT “Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you”
You know how easy it is for the people closest to us to hurt us? I mean think about it. We share our heart with the people we choose as partners and let them into the parts of our lives that very few people can. If we choose good people who are conscious about growth as our partners then we’re already a step ahead because they are less likely to hurt us on purpose. Even then, they are not perfect. Anyone, including you, has the potential to hurt the people closest to them without intending to and the interesting part is that most times, the things other people will do will not hurt us the way they would if our loves did the exact same thing. The people we love, who love us, have our keys (simply put) and it makes sense that the magnitude of our care for them will make their actions and inaction hurt more when they slip up. But it’s not the end of the world darling. I’ve learnt that it’s so important to have grace available in your relationship for any mistakes your partner might make. You need to decide for yourself what your non-negotiables are when it comes to mistakes in the first place. Any form of abuse and actions in that category are not the kind of mistakes I’m talking about. If you have yourself the kind of person you see yourself spending your life with, you can vouch for their character and you genuinely like them as a human being, when they make a mistake like saying something that hurt you or missing a program you needed them to be present at or not meeting an expectation you communicated, I’m asking you to not have it be the end of the world. You need to remember that you, my friend, can make a mistake too, and hurt them without trying, and when that happens, the grace you would like to receive is the grace I’m asking you to make available to them. It will hurt but please remind yourself that this person loves you and does not plot to harm you, when they say they are sorry, even though it hurts, forgive them and actively allow things to quickly get back to normal. You’ll be grateful in the long run that your partner doesn’t feel like they are the worst beings on the planet when they do something wrong. I think it’s beautiful when the person you love can trust you and come to you without the fear of judgement and condemnation.
Think of your relationship as a box, the stuff you put in it are the stuff it’ll be made of. If you want peace and joy and mutual understanding to be what it’s made of then put those things in. You can’t expect your relationship to be great when you put bitterness, unforgiveness, unkindness and zero room for faults into your box. Best case scenario is to be each other’s safe space. To get there we’re going to have to learn a whole lot of patience and grace-giving. I still have a whole lot of learning to do but we’ll get there.
Ephesians 4:2 NLT “Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love”
You and your partner should be able to make a mistake and not have it be the end of the world
Dear Lord, it can be difficult when those we love the most hurt us, but thank you for teaching us the importance of our present reactions and the effect they have on our future happiness. We desperately need your help to be the kind and forgiving people or relationships need us to be. Only You can mold us into what we need to be. Help us to continually avail ourselves to you and and your directions. Fill our hearts with kindness and gentleness so that we can extend grace to the people we love when they slip up. In Jesus’ name, amen.
A Queen In Grooming 